1. Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
2. The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
3. The collection plates are really hubcaps from a ’56 Chevy.
4. The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.
5. People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
6. The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized ” Wheeling ” washtub.
7. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
8. The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.
9. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of”.
10. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
11. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.
12. The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
13. The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, Ya hear”.
(okay, technically, these are not about me…but I WILL have you know that #2, 10 and 13 have actually been witnessed by me! Happy TT!
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