It’s 4 am and I’m wide awake

My husband left for a one day business trip to Houston (5-1/2 hours away) and he had to get up this morning at 3:30, so here I am, internets! Wide awake with no one to talk to…so I’ll just share this little gem with you:

An atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays.
He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, ‘Case dismissed!’

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, ‘Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah…yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!’

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, ‘Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists’ holiday!’

The lawyer pompously said, ‘Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists.Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?’

The judge said, ‘Well it comes every year on exactly the same date—April 1st!
Since our calendar sets April 1st as ‘April Fools Day,’ consider that Psalm 14:1 states,’The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday. Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!

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Dentists and Bandaids

We were driving home from the dentist’s office today when my youngest son wrinkled his nose and inquired,”What is that stinky smell?” Everyone checked the bottom of their feet for doggy do and when that turned up nothing, he continued to insist that “something smelled really bad.”

Apparently, the smell was so terrible, it caused his nose to twitch — which, in turn, caused him to sneeze. He kindly-remembered-his-manners-thank-you-very-much and covered his mouth and nose with his hand as he sneezed. Then he lifted his finger to his nose again and took a big old whiff of it again and almost fainted.

Did you know that a little boy’s finger that has been bandaged for 4 days because it had an invisible cut on it smells exactly the same as a pair of wet worn gym socks that have lain on a locker room floor for three weeks? I’m just sayin’…

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Thursday 13 – Kind Ways to Say Someone Is Stupid

1. A few clowns short of a circus

2. A few peas short of a casserole

3. The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead

4. One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl

5. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down

6. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools

7. Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash

8. Her sewing machine’s out of thread

9. His belt doesn’t go through all the loops

10. No grain in the silo

11. Receiver is off the hook

12. Several nuts short of a full pouch

13. Too much yardage between the goal posts

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