The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. –Psalm 18:2-3
I have always been a very positive person and generally choose to see the bright side of life, rather than the bad, hence my blog’s tagline. But last year was a very difficult year for me – I lost my brother to a drug overdose in April, my step-dad of 30 years died in July, was there for my mom after she ran over herself with her car, and saw her through yet another major surgery. I wasn’t able to spend my days focusing on too much good…it actually felt like the world was closing in on me.
I lost my desire to blog, work, go to church, or even stay connected to people. I spent vast amounts of time sick and in bed because I just didn’t want to face the day, it was too much like waiting for ‘the other shoe to drop’. My children didn’t have a summer vacation – we spent it shuffling back and forth to nursing homes, hospitals, and rehab hospitals. We didn’t even use our Kids Bowl Free coupons very often. I just didn’t want to do anything that required leaving my house.
I had officially hit rock bottom, and when a friend (who had been there) called it by the ugly name of “depression”, I was taken aback. “Me? Depressed? It’s not possible.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had let LIFE overwhelm me and I had inadvertently allowed myself to give up on the things that mattered the most – my family, my friends, and most importantly, my relationship with the Lord. I had become apathetic.
Sometimes when you’re in a miry pit, you don’t realize it until you’ve gotten so bogged down that you can’t move, and then you’re trapped. But that single comment spawned a true turning point for me because I knew in my heart that God could deliver me from those feelings. A lot of prayer has gone up since then, and though it hasn’t been easy, things have gotten better. I am sharing this because I believe there are others hurting the same way I was and I want you to know that GOD IS ABLE to deliver you too! I have to give Him all the glory and honor for what He’s done in my life – even my kids have noticed that mom is back to being more like her old self.
God will hear us no matter what the nature of the distress is. He will always be there: in trouble, adversity, need, calamity, whenever we are in turmoil. What adversity are you facing? Is it conflict in the family, financial problems, stress at work, emotional problems, spiritual battles? No matter what the distress, God is there to meet your need. God will answer us in the day of trouble.
Please visit the other ladies who are participants in the 31 Days of Ministry Online:
Amy Bayliss {Cajun Inspired} : 31 Days of Heart Matters
{A Martha Heart} : 31 Days of Prayer
Karin {Mommy Matters} : 31 Days of Intentional Parenting
Jenny {867-53oh9} : 31 Days of Social Media
Dawn {My Home Sweet Home} : 31 Days of Encouragement
Lisa Boyd : 31 Days of WordPress
*Links to all posts on this subject can be found here.
michelle pendergrass
January 5, 2011 at 10:21 am (12 years ago)I’m sorry I’ve missed all of your tragedies–I surely would’ve been praying. I’m reading the links now and looking at the dates. In April, my mom fell ill and then died as quickly in June. While she was sick and dying, Phil’s step-dad 30 years had major surgery for lung cancer. In the latter part of the year, one of my bff’s had not one, but two brain surgeries (and she’s having another in a couple weeks) and my other bff’s sister (after having a lung and lymph nodes removed for lung cancer) had a seizure and found a huge brain tumor. Both her and my bff had brain surgery the week of Christmas. Backing up from that…we lost Phil’s grandma (who raised him,) his grandpa and his other grandma, my grandma and I lost my uncle (more like my brother) to suicide, he hung himself, after years of prescription narcotic abuse.
I listed all that to say—I feel your pain. I understand the weariness–no, not weariness. Shear exhaustion. I’ve cried and yelled and screamed and wondered why it was so hard for me. Why me? Why do I have to go through all this?
Through it all though, God has been there, carrying me. The prayers of people who love me carry me. I’d get emails from internet friends saying that they felt the urge to pray for me and I’d get the message at my lowest points and be immediately uplifted. Not to happiness–that is hard to come by sometimes, but to a level of peace and strength.
I’m praying for you, friend. (((hugs))) Thank you for posting this.
Karen
January 5, 2011 at 10:33 am (12 years ago)Michelle,
2010 was not a year I want to live again, but like you, God carried me through it. I failed to mention the numerous family, friends, and church members that were praying for me through this time, but I truly believe that God is able to deliver us out of our exhaustion and anger. I’ve run the gamut. Praise the Lord for a NEW YEAR and new beginnings! 🙂 Thank you for leaving this comment – as absurd as it might sound, it’s good to know that someone else can identify. Hugs and prayers to you as well, my friend.
michelle pendergrass
January 5, 2011 at 10:39 am (12 years ago)I re-read that and from the point I said “Backing up from that…” that stuff was all in the past 5 years. I was SO ready for 2011. Not just a new year but a new decade. It feels good and hopeful right now. You and I both need respite. (((hugs)))
(and I understand the absurdity of this being comforting. It’s camaraderie for sure.)
Melinda @ Trailing After God
January 5, 2011 at 6:12 pm (12 years ago)I appreciate your honesty. Depression is something I have struggled with most of my life due to PTSD. I finally got help this October and it’s still a fight but wow, I needed meds and wish I had continued to seek help until someone listened. I try to stay positive and be an encourager but sometimes I need encouragement too! 🙂 I will be praying for you and I am so thankful you are feeling it lift. It’s such a relief when you start to see light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not a train 🙂 Looking forward to your series.
Karen
January 5, 2011 at 6:39 pm (12 years ago)Thank you for leaving a comment, Melinda. What’s so wonderful is that whether God chooses to heal instantly, in time, or with medicine – He’s still faithful to see to all of our needs. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your experience as well – know that I’ll be praying for you as well over in my little corner of Texas – bookmarking your blog to check out tomorrow!
Amber @ Classic Housewife
January 6, 2011 at 1:41 pm (12 years ago)Psalm 18 is my favorite passage — I knew what you were quoting the second I started reading it.. verses 1-3 are the best part. =)
But really the entire Psalm, over and over again, how God was his strength, his rescue, his rock, his everything. Over and over how God was faithful and true. Over and over how he called on God and God answered.
It’s a great testimony, and a great passage to pray out loud in our times of trouble.