if you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side
I have been fascinated by artist Julian Beever since the first sidewalk chalk drawing I saw in an email. He’s a 3D chalk artist from England, and in case you aren’t familiar with his work, I thought I’d share some of his newer work, along with some of my favorites. Here they are, in no particular order:
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I love a good spoonerism. William Archibald Spooner was born in London on 22 July 1844. He had a nervous tendency to sometimes transpose initial letters or half-syllables in speech. This tendency became known as Spoonerism and the sometimes hilarious transpositions became known as Spoonerisms – Dr. Spooner’s occasional transpositions created a reputation and started a fad. Students began devising transpositional puns, and attributing them to him.
I remember back when I was a little girl, my daddy used them all the time (on purpose – it was our own form of ‘pig latin’) and I used to keep running lists of my favorites. When my mom moved down to Texas three years ago, she mailed me three huge boxes of “stuff” that I had left at home “because I might need it someday”. Don’t look at me that way – you know you all did exactly the same thing when you left home…I’ll bet some of you even threw a fit when your mom wanted to turn your bedroom into her sewing room like mine did.
At any rate, my mom sent me these boxes and I found one of my lists that I will now share with you. But before I share them…let’s pause for just a moment to consider something. Do you ever find it strange that you hop into your virtual car on the internet, cruise down the information highway and the stop at some place you’ve never been before just to read what their favorite spoonerisms are? How weird is that? I’m just sayin’. (but I’m ever so glad you parked it here)
Without further ado, I will now share with you my top 13, in no particular order:
1. “Blushing crow” for “crushing blow”
2. “Drain Bamage” for “brain damage”
3. “Bater Wottle” for “water bottle”
4. “Sparking Pot” for “parking spot”
5. “Bass Ackwards” for…well, this is a family friendly blog.
6. “Chipping the flannel on TV” for “flipping the channel on TV”
7. “Go and shake a tower” for “Go and take a shower”
8. “It crawls through the fax” for “It falls through the cracks”
9. “Nicking your pose” for “Picking your nose”
10. “Go help me sod” for “So help me God”
11. “Plaster man” for “Master plan”
12. “Belly jeans” for “Jelly beans”
13. “This is the pun fart.” instead of “This is the fun part.”
Got kids? Read Rindercella to them. But if you really like Spoonerisms, you can go to Fabelbish.com and have your sentences instantly tranlated into spoonerisms. Fow thun is hat?
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1. Bring them back. They’re my GOOD scissors.
2. Stop picking at it and let it heal!
3. Why don’t you go outside?
4. I don’t care what “everyone” is doing. I care what YOU are doing!
5. If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.
6. Don’t make me come in there!
7. You’re gonna put someone’s eye out with that thing.
8. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
9. When you have kids of your own you’ll understand.
10. Don’t speak to me in that tone of voice.
11. Because I’m the mom, that’s why!
12. Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
13. You just ate an hour ago!
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1. While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.
2. Someone stole all my daffodils.
3. I had to go audition for American Idol.
4. My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.
5. My route to work was shut down by a presidential motorcade.
6. I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job.
7. I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.
8. The line was too long at Starbucks.
9. I was trying to get my gun back from the police.
10. I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawnshops were closed.
11. I tried a new way in to work and it took me two hours.
12. I saw a bright shiny object.
13. I felt it was better to sleep at home rather than at the office
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1. A sliced carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye…and YES, science now shows that carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
2. A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart is red and has four chambers. All of the research shows tomatoes are indeed pure heart and blood food.
3. Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows that grapes are also profound heart
and blood vitalizing food.
4. A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds are on the nut just like the neo-cortex. We now know that walnuts help develop over 3 dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
5. Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
6. Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet the body pulls it from the bones, making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
7. Eggplant, Avocado’s and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female – they look just like these organs. Today’s research shows that when a woman eats 1 avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? …. It takes exactly 9 months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit.
8. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
9. Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the motility of male sperm and increase the numbers of sperm as well as help overcome male sterility.
10. Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
11. Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.
12. Grapefruits, Oranges, and most Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
13. Onions look like body cells. Today’s research shows that onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes.
How cool is our God?
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1. You answer the door before people knock.
2.You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
3. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
4. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
5. You chew on other people’s fingernails.
6. You can type sixty words per minute… with your feet.
7. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
8. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
9. Instant coffee takes too long.
10. You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
11. You don’t tan, you roast.
12. You help your dog chase its tail.
13. Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
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