You Might Be A Scrapbooker if…

I saw these cute tees on

You might be a scrapbooker if …

10. Your baby’s first word is “Cheese”.

9. You’ve ever staged a photograph just so you can use that cute new embellishment you just got.

8. You see your family more through the pictures you scrap than in real life.

7. You’ve never sewn a piece of clothing in your life, but you buy a mini sewing machine just to sew on your scrapbook pages.

6. You’re disappointed when you get gift certificates to your favorite clothing store instead of the scrapbook store.

5. You buy your child a new outfit just to match the new patterned paper you just bought.

4. Your family can’t find a place to eat because the table is full of scrapbooking supplies.

3. Your 4-year-old knows the difference between a brad and an eyelet.

2. You evaluate how good a family outing is by the number of scrapbook pages you can create from it.

1. Your husband asks you in the morning “Who is Bazzill? You were talking in your sleep last night … Is it another man?”

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She shoulda said she had a torpedo in the hole…

Floy was in charge of the kids tonight. He was giving me a little bloggy break so I could catch up on some blog reading. I have fallen waa-ay behind since my brother fell ill a few weeks ago.

Anyway…Floy came into our bedroom tonight with his hands held up in front of him like he had just contracted the bubonic plague, a horrified look on his face, making strange motions with his arms in an attempt to get my attention and open the bathroom door for him so he could wash up.

It seems that he was giving our 3 year old a bath and she did a “doodie” in the tub. (She has never done that before – this must have been a special gift just for daddy.) Floy fished it out with his hands and promptly plopped it in the toilet before running walking calmly to my end of the house to wash up. Meanwhile, he left our daughter in the tub to get herself out.

I’m telling you this because as both a scrapbooker and a blogger, I’m dismayed for two reasons:
1.) I wanted to take a photo for her scrapbook , and
2.) I wanted to watch him perform this amazing feat – I’ve never seen anyone of the male persuasion even come close to touching a doodie with a ten foot pole.

Men are so squeamish, have you noticed? Or is it just me? I have washed out cloth diapers in doo doo water with my bare hands, thankyouverymuch. I’m not afraid of a little bowel movement. But she still should have warned him she it was coming…I so wish I could have seen the look on his face…this is the stuff parenting books are made of.

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I needed this today…

We have all had bad dates…but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter… snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside of Salt Lake City,Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They
were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point when she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be on the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her tush rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt, despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about “what is taking so long” with a reply that, indeed, she was “freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!”

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down… or perhaps that should be “pants down.” And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment, “This gives a whole new meaning to being p*ssed off”. (My uncles used to say “it is better to be p*ssed off than p*ssed on!”)

UPDATE on my brother
– He is still in the ICU and the Drs. have said he is still in critical condition – the list of his ailments: he has meningitis, a Staph infection in his blood, and has had two strokes since he has been admitted. The bad news is that anyone with meningitis has a 50/50 chance of survival…the good news is that Bob seems to be doing somewhat better. Yesterday was really bad, but today was much, much better. The antibiotics are still working. He recognized me today and even asked (with difficulty, because of the strokes), “What do I have to do to get some ice?” There was a moment where I was dumbfounded, but I recovered pretty quickly and said, “All you have to do is put your lips together and say ‘ice’.” So he said “Ice”, and I spoon fed him almost half a cup. He is responding better and is able to tell us when he is in pain and when he is okay…so it’s very promising. I truly believe that God will see him through this and he will recover. Our mom is flying down from Alaska for the winter, ending her summer up there a little bit early so she can be here for Bob. I’m thankful – this has been a hard week on her — being so far away.

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” — James 5:16

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Take it from a Donkey who’s been there…

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw.

With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

Shake it off and take a step up!

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Some Thursday Fun for Y’all…

I thought I’d share this with you…my mom sent it to me in an email and it’s just too cute. Call the kids in and have them think up dog commands for this little guy and watch the ensuing laughter. It’s even cute when you ask him to do something he can’t understand. You should definitely try: “sit, fetch , shake, roll over, sing, dance, beg, play dead”, etc…but save “kiss” for last! Click here.

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