So this morning, I googled: “lost sense of humor”.
I came across a very uplifting and encouraging article about how I’m probably in the throes of depression or have a serious psychological disorder that needs medical attention. I don’t think that’s very funny.
So they could be on to something.
I had a few insights I was going to share about the last three months of living with my mom, but since we’re still here and she’s buying the groceries, I should probably wait until we get home before I talk about some of these things. I mean, we have to eat.
Instead, I’ll share a Top Ten list of reasons why you should never move back in with your parents (even if you are the one trying to help them):
Top Ten Reasons You Should Never Move Back in With Your Parents as an Adult:
- Every single pile of crap in the house will get blamed on your puppy, never mind the fact that another bladder-challenged dog lives in the house.
- You’ll have to listen to the virtues of how important it is to potty train whilst scraping crap off the wheels of her motorized wheelchair and cleaning up the mile-long trail of smeared turds that she left before she noticed she had driven through it in the first place.
- Your kids need their own space – a place away from critical eyes and opinions that would never be shared if you weren’t living with parents.
- Because old people can’t eat food unless it’s going to burn the fake skin off the roof of their dentures, and that requires reheating everything they eat multiple times during one meal.
- You will never pour a cup of coffee and make it to your chair without having a parent finish their first cup and ask for a refill, which means standing at the microwave for two minutes to heat a new cup up past the boiling point.
- If you have siblings, you will always be the bad guy. Always. Just accept that and move on.
- The fact that you have lived on your own successfully for the last 24 years will not prevent your parent from treating you like a child again.
- You’ll start to remember why you moved out at 17 in the first place. Alpha Females – there can be only one. ‘Nuff said.
- You’ll begin to believe your mom when she tells you that you’re not the person you used to be and that you’ve completely lost your sense of humor.
- No matter how hard you try to get along, after a certain period of time, you’ll lose the cool facade that has been hanging on by a thread and you’ll say something you regret, or at the very least, compose a Top Ten list of why you shouldn’t have done it in the first place.
(no old people were harmed in the making of this post)