I have started this blog post no less than 5 times. I have 3 drafts sitting in my drafts folder that I started and have absolutely no idea how to finish.

Other moms compose witty, humorous posts about their crafty and adventurous days with their kids while I find myself wanting to escape to some place where I can have a day to myself to just be. Other moms seemingly have it all together, while I am falling apart at the seams on a daily basis.

Christmas is three days away. I have not decorated my house (save the tree, which the kids did), I have not baked one Christmas item, addressed one card, created one newsletter, or purchased/made one gift for anyone.

I am at an impasse. I want to find the words to explain what I’m going through, but they escape me. I want to cry, but I can’t.

God has just been too good to me this year. He has seen us through some of the worst times in not only our financial lives, but our marriage as well. I should be expressing my thanks and giving Him the glory He so deserves.

The most a reader can ever really witness in a blog post is 10-15 minutes of a writer’s day. And while I try to blog about the good things that God has done for me, I realize that I spend an inordinate amount of time feeling so sorry for myself and the situation I find myself in, that more often than not, I miss the mark. I want to be so much better than I am. But there are sadly, some things I forgot to tell you.

I forgot to tell you that God has miraculously kept our 13 year old van running in spite of the fact that it has over 200K miles on it.

I forgot to tell you that even though the deal fell through on my husband’s truck and it didn’t sell, we were able to get his licensing fees paid.

I forgot to let you know that someone who doesn’t know me outside of reading my blog sent me $200 when I talked about my husband’s licensing problems to help us pay for said licenses.

I forgot to tell you that a precious, dear client sent me embroidered gifts for my children when I wrote that Christmas would be sparser than ever this year.

I forgot to share with you that our church picked us as the family that would receive the food basket one month when our cupboards were so bare, I was literally in tears about having to cook another pot of beans.

I forgot to tell you that our prayers were answered when my husband found a temporary job through the Christmas holidays that would enable us to keep our lights on and food on the table.

I forgot to let you know that just about the time I am ready to throw in the towel and cry, God does something else to renew my faith and keep me going. He is my sustainer and without His mercy and grace and the sacrifice that his precious Son Jesus made, I would be inconsolable this Christmas season.

I forgot to tell you that I am so incredibly thankful for Christ Jesus who took on the form of a man to redeem the world, who will forever BE a man, who now sits at the right hand of my Heavenly Father, and is making intercession for me when I can’t find the words to express my feelings.

I forgot to share with you that Jesus is the sweetest name I know.

Do you know him?

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26 Comments on A Holiday Impasse

  1. Dana~Are We There Yet?
    December 22, 2008 at 3:28 pm (9 years ago)

    Beautiful Karen. You’ve ministered to me today. May you be blessed as you celebrate God’s provision.

  2. nicole
    December 22, 2008 at 3:45 pm (9 years ago)

    Thank you for writing this. I could have shared many of the same thoughts. While I would never choose trials in my life, I try to embrace as opportunities to experience God’s grace in new ways. Sounds like you do that on a daily basis.

  3. Amber @ Classic Housewife/ Modern World
    December 22, 2008 at 4:24 pm (9 years ago)

    A – MEN.

    You’ve just described our entire past year. Just over a year ago I began counseling with a lady from church because I was so overwhelmed. I’ve told you we’re self-employed as well. Last January my husband got so sick we had no money for food and the church held a food collection for us. We thought we’d recover after he got back to work, but the work has slow and sparse nearly this whole year. My car has spent at least 50% of the time for the last 12 months at least, NOT working. The list goes on and on. BUT…

    YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

    At every turn, God is there. He is our sustainer and provider and He is all we need. It’s not easy, it’s harder than heck sometimes, but we keep going, because we have to and because God enables us to – and somehow in the middle of it all he blesses us in spite of it all.

    God bless you and keep you, sweet Karen. {{HUGS}}

    And remember, it’s not the decorations, it’s not the baking, it’s not the gifts that matter right now anyway. It’s Jesus. Seems to me you’ve got your focus where it needs to be – difficult as it may be to skimp on the other things.

  4. Phyllis@Aimless Conversation
    December 22, 2008 at 4:30 pm (9 years ago)

    We serve a good God who graciously provides everything we need in his perfect time. I have been where you are, more than once and he absolutely comes through. every. single. time.

    God bless you and your family as you celebrate the BEST gift.

    ((((hugs))))

  5. Chaotic Joy
    December 22, 2008 at 5:17 pm (9 years ago)

    I don’t read your blog, so I have no idea of the trials you have faced this year. But thank you for this beautiful post. It really touched me. I am sorry that you have had such a difficult year and praising God for his sufficiency in your life. Praying that you will find some peace and joy this Christmas.

  6. dianne - bunny trails
    December 22, 2008 at 5:41 pm (9 years ago)

    Beautiful post, Karen. While I would never have asked for the financial difficulties we faced two years ago, we saw God’s provision and faithfulness like never before. How can you wish not to see that. He is amazing!! Always.

    Blessings,
    Dianne

  7. Dorothy
    December 22, 2008 at 7:35 pm (9 years ago)

    Amen!! He is the ONLY gift we really need! A great post, Karen.

  8. Always Been Different
    December 23, 2008 at 1:18 am (9 years ago)

    Ok Karen put you right hand on your left shoulder, now your left hand on you right shoulder, ok now SQUEEZE! You have just had a long distance hug from me 🙂 Its the best I can do till I see you again!

    I love you my friend…and remember you are not alone

    Have a Merry Christmas 🙂

  9. Monica
    December 23, 2008 at 2:38 am (9 years ago)

    What a beautiful post! We’ve had a hard year as well, but even in the hard times, God has been so incredibly good to us.

  10. gretchen from lifenut
    December 23, 2008 at 4:57 am (9 years ago)

    This is beautiful.

    Yes, I know Him! We have had years just like yours. They come, they go, but he is ever-faithful and sees us through…

    I am so glad you shared your heart in such a transparent and meaningful way. Your post speaks greater truths than any baking/shopping/decorating post ever could on ANY blog out there.

    Thank you, and God bless you.

  11. hondaray6
    December 23, 2008 at 7:18 am (9 years ago)

    Good morning Karen, and thanks for sharing! Sometimes life IS overwhelming and it seems the hard times will never end…but they do, and change comes when we least expect it. Don’t worry about what you “forgot” to tell us….just remember to thank God for the blessings. It seems amongst all the worries he has provided through many other people. You not only received but you allowed them to enjoy the wonderful feeling of sharing!God Bless you and yours. Happy Holidays.

  12. Mel @ A Box of Chocolates
    December 23, 2008 at 8:25 am (9 years ago)

    Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post. The fact that you are remembering to share them now says everything that you forgot to mention before. God is good and I am glad that he has shown you and your family His faithfulness. I wish you a very Merry Christmas and more of His blessings in the year to come. Hapy Holidays.

  13. Megan@SortaCrunchy
    December 23, 2008 at 8:50 am (9 years ago)

    Amen and AMEN. We, too, have seen God’s provision show up in MIRACULOUS ways, and I haven’t given Him the glory in nearly enough ways.

    beautiful post. Thanks for sharing!

  14. Mocha with Linda
    December 23, 2008 at 9:02 am (9 years ago)

    Beautiful, beautiful! Seems to me like you are celebrating Christmas the very best way of all. The other stuff is just distractions and fluff.

  15. Lisa B @ simply His
    December 23, 2008 at 9:38 am (9 years ago)

    Hey Karen,

    I hate that I’m just now getting around to catching up on your blog. I loved this post because I know it’s straight from your heart.

    I’ve been struggling a lot this year, not necessarily with the same trials or even trials as bad, but struggling with my faith and drifting away from God. I’m determined to get back into the Word, and work on some of my offline relationships.

    I’m praying you have a wonderful Christmas and a chance to sit back and take it all in. Wish I was near you to take you out to lunch and give you a hug! Wanna move up here? 🙂

  16. Someone Being Me
    December 23, 2008 at 10:33 am (9 years ago)

    Amen. I’m sorry to hear that you have been struggling so much but it is amazing how God always provides. My presents are wrapped, my bills are paid, and I sent 4 dozen cookies to work with my husband today because I felt like baking. Yet, I have been struggling to find the spirit and excitement this season. Thanks for the reminder that it is about so much more than just cookies, presents and parties. The thing I am looking forward to the most about this holiday besides seeing my family is our Christmas Eve service at church tomorrow night. We all need to remember the reason for the season.

  17. Mzzterry
    December 23, 2008 at 11:05 am (9 years ago)

    I knew stuff was going on in your life. I just didn't realize how God shaped that stuff was! Thanks for being so open & transparent. To God be the glory. He is faithful, He is a caring, loving God. I have missed you, it is good to see you back, may your CHRISTMAS season be BLESSED beyond your dreams.

  18. Sierra
    December 23, 2008 at 3:24 pm (9 years ago)

    I can relate … SO much. We’ve just had the most difficult two years of our marriage because of finances, separation (not of our choosing), depression and more. I hope and pray that 2009 is a year of restoration and deliverance for all of us. Praise God… He IS bigger than our problems. Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. Thank you, Jesus, and happy birthday!

  19. Greta
    December 23, 2008 at 5:37 pm (9 years ago)

    It’s amazing what re-counting your blessings can do for you and for everyone who reads/hears about them.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Have a wonderful and blessed Christmas.

  20. thatgirlblogs
    December 23, 2008 at 9:41 pm (9 years ago)

    this post is a blessing to ME! So add that to the list. Hugs.

  21. PastorMac's Ann
    December 23, 2008 at 9:48 pm (9 years ago)

    Wow, Karen. I so sorry that things have been so rough. Thanks so much for this post and the reminder of God’s faithfulness and His wonderful provision, the gift of His Son which allows us to be more than conqueror’s and in the end spend eternity with Him.

    I do know Him. I do know Jesus. Thanks for the reminder.

    Praying for you.

  22. Best Life
    December 24, 2008 at 12:07 am (9 years ago)

    I have been there…right where you are. It will pass. It will change. What a blessing to be able to see that it’s in the little things where God shows Himself. Your family is in our prayers. When you are feeling the worst, stop. Sit with your kids and talk with them. Play a game. Remember what life’s all about and let God wash His joy over you. Merry Christmas. Lisa~

  23. Headless Mom
    December 24, 2008 at 12:43 am (9 years ago)

    Thank you so much for this. You have such a beautiful heart. Jesus is mighty proud of you today.

    I should have read this earlier today. My bad attitude really got the best of me.

    Blessings to you, my sweet friend. You do make a difference! Merriest of Christmases to you and your beautiful family!

  24. Megan (FriedOkra)
    December 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm (9 years ago)

    Hu-u-u-g! Love you, sweet friend!

    M

  25. Andrea
    January 3, 2009 at 12:17 am (8 years ago)

    This is amazing. Thank you for writing it. Beautiful.

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