Lists. I am a keeper of lists. I have one on my fridge to track groceries, I have one for my bills, I keep an editorial calendar (which I obviously ignore, since I haven’t posted since last Friday), and I also have a design calendar and a homeschool calendar. I have a book wherein I keep my numerous internet logons and passwords, I have a daily to-do-list a weekly to-do list, and a monthly to-do list.
Yet none of them are helping. I’m caring for two frail and elderly parents, homeschooling three kids, working a part time at home job, trying to keep up with the laundry (seriously…yesterday? I did TEN loads. TEN!) With each passing day, I find myself more and more overwhelmed.
And I have an intense dislike for that word, “overwhelmed”.
o·ver·whelm (vr-hwlm, -wlm)
tr.v. o·ver·whelmed, o·ver·whelm·ing, o·ver·whelms
1. To surge over and submerge; engulf: waves overwhelming the rocky shoreline.
2. a. To defeat completely and decisively: Our team overwhelmed the visitors by 40 points.
b. To affect deeply in mind or emotion: Despair overwhelmed me.
3. To present with an excessive amount: They overwhelmed us with expensive gifts.
4. To turn over; upset: The small craft was overwhelmed by the enormous waves.
2b and 3 pretty much sum up how I’m feeling tonight. Don’t be mistaken, this isn’t a pity party. It’s a call to action. There’s going to have to be some changes made on my part. I can’t do it all and I’m not even going to pretend I want to.
It’s most definitely not burn out, because I can’t see myself giving up blogging, but I’ll call it streamlining. I’m going to be choosier about what I commit myself to in the future – I hate committing to things and then feeling like I’m not holding up my end of the bargain…have you ever felt that way? What do you do?
Y’all…I’m seriously having a hard time tonight seeing the bright side…for the first time in a long time. I don’t like letting folks down. It’s my nature to give and give and give….but what happens when I just don’t have anything left over?
What do you do when you feel like you’re losing the battle? Help a girl out…I need someone to polish the dull side for me…