…you answer the door before people knock.
…Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
…you ski uphill.
…you get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
…you speed walk in your sleep.
…you haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
…you just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
…you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
…you sleep with your eyes open.
…you have to watch videos in fast-forward.
…the only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
…you can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
…you lick your coffeepot clean.
…you spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
…you’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work
there.
…you’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
…your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
…you chew on other people’s fingernails.
…the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
…your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
…you’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
…you can type sixty words per minute… with your feet.
…you can jump-start your car without cables.
…all your kids are named “Joe”.
…you don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
…you don’t sweat, you percolate.
…you buy coffee by the barrel.
…you’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
…you go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
…you walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
…you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
…Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
…you’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
…people get dizzy just watching you.
…you’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
…the Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
…Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
…your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
…you’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.
…people can test their batteries in your ears.
…your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
…instant coffee takes too long.
…you channel surf faster without a remote.
…when someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
…you want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
…you want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
…your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
…you’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
…you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
…you’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
…you name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
…you speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
…your Thermos is on wheels.
…your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
…you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
…you can outlast the Energizer bunny.
…you short out motion detectors.
…you have a conniption over spilled milk.
…you don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
…your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
…you think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
…you don’t tan, you roast.
…you don’t get mad, you get steamed.
…your three favorite things in life are…coffee before, coffee during and coffee
after.
…you can’t even remember your second cup.
…you help your dog chase its tail.
…your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
…you introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
…you think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
…your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

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6 Comments on You Know You are Drinking too Much Coffee When…

  1. Girl Gone Wild
    July 8, 2007 at 4:49 pm (10 years ago)

    ROFLMBO!!!!! That’s sad how much I relate to those!!!

  2. Lisa
    July 8, 2007 at 4:55 pm (10 years ago)

    Thank you for that laugh! I like all of them and can relate to more than I care to admit.

  3. Girl Gone Wild
    July 9, 2007 at 6:23 am (10 years ago)

    BTW: I really like your new headers!

  4. NIHAL
    July 9, 2007 at 6:34 am (10 years ago)

    Hi Karen.

    This is really funny, and yet so real at the same time! I’ve gone thru a couple of those listed here …. seriously, I’ve gotta cut down on the coffee. he he he :))

  5. Dapoppins
    July 10, 2007 at 2:34 pm (10 years ago)

    Hhahahahah! It’s true, it’s ture!

  6. Stretch Mark Mama
    July 23, 2007 at 2:44 pm (10 years ago)

    Those are great, thanks for sharing!

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